DAYS 10 - 16

Day 10

Touché

Malik really hit a nerve today. I was irritable to begin from the heat and long bus ride, but I was still really put off by what he said. We went downtown together for a meeting with TACAIDS (Tanzania Commission for AIDS). They were responsible for obtaining my work permit so I was to be introduced to them for the first time.

On the way we passed a schoolyard where a bunch of young children were playing. The local town kids are always so friendly and adorable that whenever I see them I always stop to say hi. We got there early and had time to kill so I started playing around with a group of them, giving high-fives, asking them questions about school & trying to talk to them in broken Swahili.

Malik was watching me with a stupid smile on his face said out of nowhere, “I think you should start making babies soon”, which right away struck a nerve that irritated me to the bone. Annoyed, I hastily answered “no, I shouldn’t”.. maybe a little too sharply, which perked him to edge on, “why not, don’t you want to have babies?” “no I don’t” I snapped and thought, what’s it to him?

Compounded by the fact that I was dehydrated, may have been on the verge of heatstroke, oh what the hell might as well throw PMS in there too.. but that’s all it took for me to be offended by his tactless comment I felt was so uncanny, invasive and personal. My annoyance just encouraged him to jabber on “why do you say that? Maybe you can’t have babies, is there something wrong with you?”

His presumptuousness just infuriated me even more. I kept shaking my head insulted that he assumed such a thing. I realize it wasn’t his intention to offend me, and perhaps it’s another difference in our cultures to make note of -that they talk openly about ‘making babies’ here, but in any case, what’s it to him when and if I want to make babies? Where does he get off asking me if there’s something wrong with me, and drawing conclusions that because I said no, there must be something physically wrong? And what right does he have to tell me I should start ‘making babies’ soon?

I was completely turned off and unreasonably upset I didn’t want to speak another word to him and didn’t feel justified in trying to explain why I was offended either cause I felt he had already overstepped his boundaries.

For the rest of the day I was distant and silent. He picked up on this and really laid out the sap. In his most syrupy voice every other word was sweetheart, darling, my love, and he kept taking my hand in his trying to get closer. I couldn’t take it anymore. I yanked my hand and snapped, “I’m not your sweetheart! So please stop calling me that, ok?” At this point I didn’t care if I overshot anymore, I was hot, dehydrated, and cranky I just wanted him to shut up… it worked, and he did.

Nursing my wounds

My mosquito bites are all starting to get scabby but still itch and bleed. I’ve got a few along my feet which is hard to keep bandaged walking around, so I end up going without. It gets dirty by the end of the day and stings like a bitch when I disinfect. I apply aloe and vit E oil but by the time it heals I just get another bite that opens up.

My bed is up against the corner of the room and both walls are windowed which is how mosquitoes have such easy access to my bed at night. The windows are screened but they seem to get through anyway. I’ve decided to shut those windows and sacrifice the breeze of fresh air and wake up in a stuffy room by morning, but at least the bites have lessened. I’ve got care packages coming my way and citronella candles are definitely on the wish list.


Day 11

My first offshore account

Got questionable funds you need to stow away somewhere? Today Bruno took me to open a bank account where my stipend will be deposited every month. My allowance is just enough to cover my daily living expenses, not including rent, which was paid for by CIDA (so thanks for paying your taxes).

The standard of living is significantly lower and my stipend alone is roughly about how much my co-workers are living off, if not more, and is considered fairly well off for someone of working class. All of them are living with their families and traditionally don’t move out until after marriage. I asked how much rent would be to live alone and it is on average about $150,000 TZ shillings/month (~ $150 Cdn).

TZ v. Mali

I know I’ve been comparing Mali and TZ a lot. For African countries, they’re worlds apart. I don’t get a desolate feeling here like I did when I was in Mali. People here seem to get by ok and just enough to get through each day. Whereas in both the city and rural villages of Mali, some families sleep at night not knowing if they’d have food to provide their children the next day. The children here are a great deal healthier than the children I worked with in Mali who were all suffering from one of either marasmus or kwashiorkor (chronic or acute malnutrition). I read recently that Mali is suffering yet another food shortage.

Tanzania doesn’t rank as low as other sub Sub-Saharan countries and is well above Mali, which last I check was 4th poorest in the world according to the UN development index, preceding Burkina Faso, Niger, then Sierra Leone if I remember correctly. I couldn’t get over how poor the conditions were and wondered how it could be any worse when you’re already ranked at 4th poorest.

Tanzania ranks somewhere in the low teens and it’s a massive difference. Conversely the four ‘power house’ countries of Africa include Egypt, S. Africa, Nigeria & Algiers and make up over 50% of Africa’s GDP. Though they pool in a lot more there’s still a huge gap in class difference and of course what’s a rich African country without corrupt government officials hoarding all the goods and depriving their own citizens of basic necessities…

Making amends

The Malik episode has boiled over and we’ve gone back to being friendly. He just received an offer to do his Masters in the UK and I was genuinely happy for him. It was a conciliatory moment when he told me the good news and I hugged and congratulated him. He’s completely pumped about it, and has been excitedly bustling about the office preoccupied with scholarship applications and other correspondence. He’s asked for my assistance with some of these things and I’m more than happy to help out.


Day 12

My work begins

Bruno and I sat down to finally go over specifics as to what my role will be over the year. I am the first cooperant they’ve ever received from Canada to work with so they have rather high expectations of me and seem to think I’m an expert sent in to fix all their problems. I’m afraid of letting them down. I’m basically expected to be their renaissance man and take on a major role in every area and aspect of their programs.

I’m fully prepared to lend them all the support I can provide but I’m not at all an ‘expert’. We had a week of pre-departure training where we went through all the stuff about intercultural learning, differences in attitudes & behaviour, and all that eye opening stuff that puts things in perspective. While that’s all very fine and good in theory, it’s a whole other story trying to apply these principles in practice.

I can already see it’s gonna be a very long year… or short depending on how I look at it.

There are funds floating around, disseminated from WHO (World Health Organization) and UN that we’re trying to secure for our body –Tanzania Network Organization for People Living with HIV/AIDS (TANOPHA). We’re the umbrella org that provides programs & services for PLHA’s (people living with HIV/AIDS) including training, education, management & care. I’ll be helping to scout out other bodies for funds and doing all the ground work from the needs-assessments to the funding proposals and follow ups. This will be on going throughout the year.

But the major part of my project will be the fieldwork. Currently there’s a budget in transit for programs in 5 rural centres across the country. I’ll be doing the programming in those 5 regions including the training, and education for PLHA’s. Our mandate is to support those already diagnosed, encourage testing and prevent new infections. Otherwise there is no other preventative component and our focus is mainly risk reduction strategies.

I’m looking forward to the travelling and seeing more of the country but also the engagement with the locals.


Day 13

Stomach-churning

I’m not reacting well to these malaria pills this time around. My health insurance wouldn’t cover Malarone, which is the most effective anti malaria pill with the least amount of side effects but also the most expensive. For a years worth it costs almost $2500 Cdn, compared to Larium, the drug I’m on which costs just over $500 for a years supply.

Side effects include vivid dreams, dizziness, nausea, but also possible psychosis, so those with a history of depression or taking anti depressants can’t take this drug. So far I’ve had the vivid dreams, major dizziness and nausea. I’ll continue to be on the lookout for psychosis.

I woke up feeling nauseous from the dose I took the night before. On the bus on the way to work my queasiness got significantly worse. I felt like I was about to hurl right there on the bus and frantically asked to be let off. I really thought I was gonna throw up on the side of the street but managed not to.

I was running late and had meetings to attend but for the life of me didn’t want to get on another bus. It was rainy and humid, which made the bus stuffy and smell bad, and when you’re pressed up against other people it just makes it that much more unbearable. So I decided to walk the rest of the way to work and show up late. I was over a half an hour late and no one seemed to notice and if they did, they didn’t care (they don’t play close attention to time here).

Meetings Begin, Issues Addressed

We prepped at the office then headed to town in the project van to meet with representatives from UNAIDS and Tanzania Commission for Social Development (TACOSODE). There were 3 reps from TACOSODE, 3 of us representing TANOPHA and one UN official who gave presentations of current activities from various regions and proposals for strategy & mobilization.

It seems like no matter which direction you turn there are major issues and obstacles. In Tanzania there is still a lot of stigma attached to HIV/AIDS and all the myths in the book are common among uneducated people. Eg. Shaking hands, drinking from the same glass, using the same cutlery, sitting in the same chair after someone else … will all lead to infection.

HIV/AIDS training and education to people who have a low level of education is a challenge and facilitators have difficulty imparting new knowledge to them.. but on the other hand, the more educated and well-off communities put themselves above their infection and don’t see the need to attend training sessions or come out in the open for that matter.

Condoms are still a major issue for men who have indicated in surveys they would, and have been willing to go without despite knowing full well they would risk infection to their partner. On the other hand female condoms are still highly priced, difficult to use, and not readily available.

UNAIDS is still hopeful for the microbicide trials to produce more optimistic results. The last batch have been a major disappointment and led to new infections. It was the first hopeful female-initiated form of protection. There’s another study in the works looking at the efficacy of the diaphragm if combined with a spermacide + microbicide (once they get the formulation right). But once again it’s all a long way off and still out of reach.

So we’re already skating on thin ice and have so little to work with, it’ll be a real challenge.

HIV/AIDS facts for those who care to know (WHO, 1999)

WORLD WIDE
· 33.6 million adults and children estimated living with HIV/AIDS globally
· 16.3 million deaths
· 5.6 million new infections
· 13.2 million children orphaned globally

In AFRICA
· 23 million cases in sub Saharan Africa (SSA)
· 4 million new infections in SSA
· 9.4 million children orphaned in Africa

In TANZANIA
· All regions in Mainland + Zanzibar affected
· Estimated over 2 million people infected
· 70.5% ages 25-49
· 15% ages 15-24
· over 72,000 new born babies infected

Disease of Poverty

One major focus of TANOPHA is income-generating activities (IGA’s). The infection has caused a vicious cycle where the more impoverished you are, the more vulnerable you are to infection. The more infections spread, the more it fuels the cycle of poverty from human capital loss and everything else that falls after affecting social and economic development.

There is truly strength in numbers and they just started working with groups to generate income as a whole. There is more support this way as opposed to helping individuals one at a time who end up falling off their treatment because they can no longer afford it or it becomes a choice between eating food or continuing treatment. They are networking with micro finance orgs in the country, which are slowly starting to emerge. I had no idea it would be this multi faceted and am pleased to know they are dealing with these issues as comprehensively and possible.


Day 14

Attention Ladies:

If you haven’t heard of the “Diva Cup” yet, google it. I’ve been using it since the beginning of this year and highly recommend it. It takes a while to get used to but once you get the hang of it, it’s absolutely amazing and you’ll never go back. It’ll be especially useful when I’m out in the bush and have to deal with this stuff.

Speaking of which, I’m not feeling particularly well today.. but thank god it’s a Friday and I’ve got the weekend to rest.

The least flattering kind of attention

The men here don’t hold back when they want your attention. They “pssst!” at you, make kissy noises, and if they know English they’ll throw out “hey baby”, “sexy mama”.. you name it, I’ve heard it. I’ve learned to let it roll off my back and if I feel it’s harmless I’ll humour them and at the very least give a smile and nod their way or answer “poa”, in acknowledgement to the greeting “mambo” and that’s all it takes to satisfy them.

The part of town I’m staying in isn’t heavily populated with many expats so I stick out like a sore thumb whenever I leave my place. And whenever I do see other foreigners they have all been men and all Caucasian. Otherwise the locals are very friendly and all want to greet you and even try and stop you for a conversation.

One benefit of being in a new country and not knowing the language is you can always feign ignorance. I’ve been using it to my advantage especially as a non-white foreigner, I can pretend not to know English & blurt out random Chinese words when I don’t want to deal with people hassling me. I do get a lot of “hey Mchina!” from the locals and still turn on impulse whenever I hear it but trying to break the habit.

No means ‘try harder’

Malik wanted me to come dancing tonight but I was seriously feeling terribly under the weather and queasy from the drugs so I politely turned him down and said another time. He took the rejection a little hard and thought I was just making up excuses, which I wasn’t.. I would’ve gone if I was in the mood and not feeling sick.. but he asked, “what is it? are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?” when I told him everything was fine and no I’m not mad, he wasn’t convinced.

Oh lordy.. should I have forced myself to go just to spare his feelings? I felt like crap and knew there was no way I could handle a night of dancing, how do you tell someone “no” here? Needless to say he spent the whole night calling to try and convince me more, then texting his regrets that I couldn’t be well enough to come out tonight.


Day 15

East Side, West Side

I didn’t have anywhere to be until later this evening and was feeling tons better compared to last night so I went for a walk into town by myself. I remember in Mali hearing Tupac and thought to myself at the time, west side represent even in Africa. Today I went to the market place and heard Biggie being blasted from a truck and couldn’t help laughing to myself.

African Celebration

The director of a partner AIDS org invited me to his daughter’s send-off, which is a pre-wedding celebration. I was looking forward to seeing how people party it up in Africa. When I walked into the room I was the ONLY non-black person there and everyone kept starring, I never felt so awkward.

I came with a co-worker Henry and his fiancé Luphurise. There was a traditional dance performance with the drums, xylophone and a few other noisemakers I wasn’t familiar with. The sounds they produced were wild! Their movement was so intense and majestic, that combined with the sound and the beat, I was completely entranced. The dance built up to other acts where they ate fire!!

There was another part of the celebration where you’re supposed to go up to the couple-to-be, and wish them well through dance. Luphurise got me to participate with them and I learned to dance traditional African style.


Day 16

Around the World

God bless technology. Friends from home who are dispersed all over the globe are just a text message away -it’s amazing! I’ve been able to keep in touch with friends in Thailand (yes, that’s you Pauline!), China, India, and Europe at the same time it’s hard to believe we’re talking to each other from different continents!

I’ve also stayed in touch with the other cooperants in my training group, stationed in Africa who are in Ghana, Mozambique, Burkina Faso, & S. Africa. Of those of us posted in Tanzania, I am the only one in Dar while the others in my group are up in Arusha, 700 km away. So it’s been lonely but they check up on me every now and then. We mostly complain a lot about how frustrated we are with the bureaucracy, tally the number of marriage proposals we’ve gotten so far, and compare our bowel activity.. weird now that I think about it how it comes up so casually.

Back home, my mom and I email back and forth everyday and I’ve been able to talk to my family at least once a week so far. My parents put me on speaker and it gets chaotic talking to them both at once cause they badger me with questions. It’s funny when it’s my grandma’s turn to talk to me, she’s getting up there in age and hard of hearing, I have to practically shout into the phone.

Anthony stocks up on calling cards and we’ve been able to talk almost everyday but it’s starting to get expensive. We still have yet to perfect the art of talking rapidly to get through every topic we want to cover in 15 minutes before the phone card runs out. My youngest sis is also travelling and spending the summer in Calgary and it’s wonderful to hear her ramble about the site of the Rocky Mountains and in response I jabber on about the Indian Ocean.

Today I was overjoyed to get a call from Benjamin who I also miss very much =)

Wondering who has my hair

Before I left I hacked my hair off and donated the length to Continental Hairs, an organization that provides wigs to cancer patients. I don’t miss it so much in this heat where I would’ve kept it pinned up anyway. It’s so low maintenance now, I sometimes forget to brush it cause it just falls into place so easily. It was damn good hair though –and virgin hair at that! Never been dyed or chemically treated. I hope whoever’s got it is enjoying it!

Maintaining Hygiene

I shower twice a day and still don’t feel clean. Once in the morning out of habit, and again at night cause I feel so gross by the end of the day from the heat. Only cold water comes out of the taps, and although it’s a refreshing relief from the heat, I still miss the steam from a hot shower and don’t nearly feel as clean after.